BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
