Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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