my soul wont recognize me after tonight
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My vagina is very pro this idea
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