Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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