i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
