I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
