I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
