if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
