I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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