A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
