Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
