She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
