I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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