if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
