this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
