We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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