I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And then the night went full on bisexual.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
