im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
