Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
