Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
