I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
