Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
