I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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