Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
