if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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