I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
