hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
