On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
