Don't make out with my wife yet
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize