i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize