Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
