What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
