Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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