she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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