i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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