Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
