See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
