R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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