Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize