Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
