where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
