I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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