Yo dont text me then not text me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
