You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize