guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
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