You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize