this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just blew my weed a kiss
50% drunk capacity currently
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
