Nicole vs. Life
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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