I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
