i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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