when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
