She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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