this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My feet surprised me
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