there's paper in my vomit.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
