I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
