I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
