just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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