Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
