I am in a vortex of obligation.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
