I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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