I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
