Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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