So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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