He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
