Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
