I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
