im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I have fence marks all over my body
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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