So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
